The first thing we need to remember is that our primary motivation is not to win the argument, nor is it to be right and recognized as such, nor is it to convince anyone of anything. The point of every Biblical discussion is to accurately inform others about the Word of God.
When you discuss things with people, do you feel that passion rise? Do you feel your blood stir as the debate intensifies and do you get real involved in the back and forth? Now ask yourself, why? Why in this instance is very important because one is reason can be proof of faith and evidence of a firmly held belief, another reason is just pride. When you get frustrated with someone who doesn't agree with you (which, honestly, we all do) is it because that poor soul doesn't or can't grasp the truths of scripture or is because you want them to acknowledge that you are right? That's a terrible reason to argue.
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing."
(1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."
(Matthew 10:16)
We need to remember that in the heat of debate we cannot let go of love. Again, since our purpose is not to be right nor to convince, we have failed if we argue without love. If your 'opponent' leaves the debate surly and upset it better be because his supporting arguments were subverted and because he has been forced to rethink his assumptions and not because you cruelly whipped him with the truth. Let the truth speak for itself and take your ego out of the equation. Let your care for the other person show through the discussion, often that will have a far greater impact than any well constructed argument.
Another important point is more WHAT we are debating rather than HOW. As Christians we see the world for what it is, a broken sin-filled place. As such we see the evils around us, we see how reality and culture contradict the Word and will of God. Surrounded by this mass of sin we strike out at the things we see: homosexuality and its acceptance by the world, abortion, adultery, immorality, the breakdown of the family, the rejection of God, etc. I'm not saying that these are not things to stand against but when discussing with someone -one on one- how much good does that do once you've expressed what you believe on that topic?
Hear me out. Nobody believes anything in a vacuum, every belief that we have is based off of other beliefs. When you take all the underlying assumptions about reality and collect them together you get what is called a "worldview." This is important because the worldview is what we need to be discussing, not the particular issues. People hold their beliefs in the particulars because of their worldview, that is the point of contention.
Let me explain it another way. Everything that anyone believes about all these particular issues (homosexuality, abortion, etc.) are really conclusions not starting points. They have come to various conclusions on various topics because what they already believed consciously and subconsciously lead them to that conclusion. We do the same thing, it's how thought works. I believe in the Bible, I trust what God has said and understand His description of reality to be correct. Because of that worldview I come to various conclusions, ie. that homosexuality is wrong, that abortion is murder, that gender and sex are the same thing and assigned to us at birth etc. Now these conclusions make perfect logical sense to me, of course they do that's why I believe them; but person A doesn't share my worldview! Person A doesn't hold to a Biblical standard in fact they likely hold to a pseudo-humanist post-modern evolutionary worldview which is going to lead them to wholly different conclusions!
Here is where this gets important. Because I look at person A's conclusions from my worldview I judge his conclusions to be wrong but he is doing the exact same thing! We will never agree until the worldviews match! From their perspective, from their worldview it is me who is in the wrong and plainly so! Here is where real meaningful debate can take place, when we move past the conclusions and discuss the beliefs that make up our individual worldviews and when we challenge why someone believes something.
We don't have to challenge gay marriage, we don't have to challenge abortion, we don't have to challenge any particular -any conclusion- when we challenge the worldview. Once the worldview changes the conclusions necessarily change along with it. It's like men of God have said for years and years now, if we lead men to God and let Him change their hearts than society's ills will mend right along with the souls of the people who make up society.
So think about why you argue, think about how you debate, think about how loving you are when you discuss these important topics. Don't be distracted by the particulars, you will never convince somebody that your conclusions are correct as long as they are judging them based on their differing worldview. Love others, show them what God has to say, and let Him change their hearts and minds.
